


I sang a hymn to bring me peace

by chringrid



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: F/F, M/M, also everyone’s gay, also pretty heavy on anti-William, basically a better s4 scene au, but that’s just common sense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-28
Updated: 2017-10-28
Packaged: 2019-01-25 19:51:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12539836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chringrid/pseuds/chringrid
Summary: This was originally written for skam wlw week because I wanted to explore what would’ve (could’ve) happened if the evak scene in s4 e5 would’ve been sanoora and I kinda like how it turned out!Shoutout to Lizzie (@lesbiannooras on tumblr) for being the sweetest person ever and looking through this mess for me





	I sang a hymn to bring me peace

So.

Noora is standing on a stage.

She’s standing on the stage of the karaoke bar SYNG.

She’s standing there because her lovely friends couldn’t stop nagging her about going there and singing her heart out.

She’s standing there ‘cause her friends aren’t lovely.

No, they were. They sure as hell mean well. Obviously things have been a lot better since she’s come back from London, realized she was gay and confessed her love to Sana. Things were good but a relationship like _that_ , the kind she’s had with _him_ doesn’t leave you completely unharmed. It’s also not good for your confidence and will to show yourself to a lot of people and know that they’re going to perceive you in different ways and you have no control over it. _Oh, Noora! She’s so pretty and fun and have you seen her hair? I’m so jealous I heard boys are running after her like mad._ Like there’s any universe in which that doesn’t sound threatening. Maybe in the universe of straight girls who weren’t stuck in an abusive relationship for a year, and even though Noora would never wish them that, she’s had to realize, that universe is as far from the one she’s living in as it gets.

So yeah, obviously the girls thought it would be good if Noora battled her insecurities and stopped giving a fuck about people _seeing her_ and just went up there and had fun. It sounded easy and they smiled at her and _Sana smiled at her_ , and suddenly it seemed like The Easiest Thing In The World. Her girlfriend kind of had this effect on her.

And there she is. Standing on the stage. The first chords of Marina and the Diamonds’ Happy are filling in the bar. It was an obvious choice, kind of cliché if she wanted to be really honest with herself. But she’s started to like cliché as she noticed. It was safe and warm and you know what? She doesn’t have to prove to anyone that she’s not exactly that, that she’s a ‘special girl’. She went through some serious stuff and she really didn’t think that she could be happy again. But she is here and she is looking down on the crowd of her friends.

Eva has her arms around Vilde while talking to Eskild. They’re both glowing with love and contentment. Linn is standing next to them looking curiously around the place. She’s doing a lot better, she’s been seeing this girl and the fact that Noora can’t feel like she had a role in that made her heart ache. She hasn’t been the best friend to Linn before everything happened but she’s been trying a lot and it seems to work. Chris is talking to Ingrid looking at her face like it’s the most interesting thing she’s ever seen. She’s confessed to Noora that she might have a little huge crush on her and she’s ready to move in from Kasper. Mari is hugging her girlfriend looking cheerful beautiful as always Noora has coffee with her the week before and she told her all about Iben, how they met at a party where P Chris got drunk and tried to make out with her, but Mari saved her and they started talking. It was a lovely story and Noora could swear that she hasn’t seen Mari this happy, like ever. Even and Isak are talking to the boys who were joined by a few new people who Noora believes are Elias’ friends Sana told her about (speaking of: he is looking at Eskild’s direction suspiciously a lot and Noora can’t help the grin spreading around her face) Those two boys looked drunk in love, as they always did, reminding Noora of the times she wished she could find that, or find it again but no, it wasn’t him. They never looked at each other like that, even at peaceful times. No, that was something different, not that healthy, not that glowing, not what Eva and Vilde or Even and Isak had. And Noora almost gave up trying she almost believed that there was no one for her, no one who could’ve gone through similar things, and understood everything she felt, who would look at her like she’s the only thing that matters. What she didn’t think of was that maybe she already had it but she didn’t know where to look. Maybe…

Brown eyes piercing through her skin. Not the way his cold glare used to, it’s peaceful and warm. It feels like home. She’s watching her. She’s standing next to their friends who are laughing and joking and she’s watching her. When their eyes meet she smiles and Noora remembers that was the first thing she’s fallen in love with. The two dimples those perfect cheeks and the infinite kindness that’s in this girl and how there are people who aren’t lucky enough to get to know it but Noora is one of the few who do because Sana decided she was worthy and that’s the most amazing and unbelievable thing that has ever happened to her.

And as the first lyrics turn yellow showing her what to say she realizes she really really likes this cliché. She found happiness in herself and her friends and it’s good and it’s peaceful. And with that, Noora starts to sing.

It’s almost faith-like the way she came to this realization just as he walks into the bar. Obviously Noora is aware that he’s back, she knows something about her new girlfriend too. Apparently they met in London and he made her come to Oslo with him. She’s ridiculously skinny with blonde hair and she’s wearing a tight short white dress looking obviously uncomfortable. It’s like a sick reverse game and Noora doesn’t like it. As they walk in he’s holding onto that poor girl like a handbag and stops at the middle of the room as soon as he notices her.

Noora could never read him. He’s quite expressionless if she wants to be honest to herself. And now he’s standing there and Noora doesn’t know how to breath suddenly and why isn’t he showing emotion? Look angry, look surprised, just do something for god’s sake. Noora can feel her vision getting blurry and her thoughts racing and her heart beat feels like the whole place can hear it. Suddenly she feels soft hand around her arms and on her back, and someone taking away her microphone and suddenly Sana’s voice is all she can hear in the noisy bar.

_It felt so sweet, it felt so strong_

_It made me feel like I belonged_

_And all the sadness inside me_

_Melted away like I was free_

Sana is looking at her and she knows she’s singing for her and they’re the only two people in this club and she’s looking into those brown eyes and she swears she feels the warmth of the sun on her skin. She takes a deep breath and looks back at him and he looks. Disgusted probably. Shocked. Mostly just like he always does. He’s a pathetic excuse of a man who can’t even show one emotion and in that moment Noora realizes that he doesn’t deserve her. He never did and he never will and it doesn’t matter how many times she has told herself that or the girls told her or Eskild told her and how many times she went to sleep crying repeating it to herself like a mantra, like her life depended on it she never truly believed it. She believed that he could take what he wanted, he had the right because he’s been through stuff and Noora was a needed person and it didn’t matter if she felt good or felt like herself. And it made her distant and push away the people she loved the most and she couldn’t even think of the fact that he might not have been the only option; that maybe he, along with other men, weren’t even an option for her because when you get so cut off from yourself, from your identity, you want one thing. To be loved and to do everything he wants. And the problem is that you only realize that those two shouldn’t mean the same thing when it’s too late. But there’s no too late and she just proved him wrong because she’s never been happier than she is without him and he quite honestly can fuck off with his big car and his expressionless face even back to London for all she cares.

Because she’s here and she survived and all of these people in the club love her unconditionally and doesn’t want to change her or her opinions. They would never treat her like she isn’t worth shit and even if they did, there’s one thing that asshole has taught her, it’s that staying is not your only option and when you start to treat yourself the way you treat your friends, you realize you have the power to walk away. And Noora will never ever let anyone make her believe that she can’t do just that anymore. Because she’s not alone, she’s never been, it’s clear from the view of this messy room of happy smiling faces and lively noise and all of these people cheering for her.

And with that, Noora squeezes Sana’s hand and she looks at her girls let’s out a laugh and whilst she feels her girlfriend’s lips on her cheek she starts shouting the chorus along with the bar and all her friends and she feels the tears running down her cheek from the pure happiness that’s shaking her entire body.

_I found what I'd been looking for in myself_

_Found a life worth living for someone else_

_Never thought that I could be, I could be_

_Happy, happy_


End file.
